Thirty years as a woman - and now the Government says I don't belong
For more than three decades, Louise has lived as a woman, accepted by friends, neighbours and strangers alike. But amid growing controversy over single-sex spaces and new EHRC guidance, she fears that trans people like her are being pushed into the shadows, ignored by politicians and caught in the crossfire of a debate that rarely reflects their lived reality.
Louise, who has connections to Birmingham and the wider Midlands, is writing under a pseudonym because she fears for her safety.
Over the weekend I happened to be staying in my old home town of Sutton Coldfield during which I enjoyed a night out at a garden disco, held at a quaint little village pub.
I was alone and had never been before but a lovely unexpected thing happened when a group of women, spotting me shyly looking on from the sidelines, sent one of their number over to invite me to join them.
I gratefully accepted and taking my hand she led me toward her friends. Disco dancing being my passion (my Mum was a dancer) I soon got into the swing of it and the women who had kindly taken me under their wing were delighted.
I even received a smile or two from some younger men.
As a post-operative transsexual (my sex reassignment surgery having been performed over 30 years ago) being perceived as a woman means more to me than life itself.
Therefore I was immensely happy that night, as on many similar occasions.
No different to them in both looks and manner the women just saw me as a courteous and friendly middle aged lady full of energy enjoying herself in their company.
That's what makes life worth living.
But now the government, having published the EHRC guidance over single sex spaces, seek to reduce me to the status of an outcast.
If needing the toilet they'd absurdly expect me to use the men's at that pub.
Having breasts and a vagina, my biochemistry radically altered by decades of female hormone treatment I am mortified by such a thought.
Looking therefore as I do imagine the reaction of the guys if I was foolish enough to obey that ridiculous EHRC code.
Most likely the blokes inside the toilet would exclaim, "Whoa! The ladies is next door, love!".
Am I then supposed to reply in my girly voice, "Sorry fellas but I'm a trans woman and our rather misguided government has decreed I use your convenience"?
Preposterous.
What person in my unenviable position in their right mind is going to out themselves like that, to be humiliated before crowds of patrons or put at risk of serious assault from those who see us as monsters and perverts from the diabolical lies and disinformation swirling about us on social media?
Toilets and changing rooms are one thing but hospital wards quite another, for we have zero control over where we are placed.
I'm seriously considering writing a letter to my GP advising them that I flatly refuse to be housed alongside men, so in the event of my death I shall hold the lawmakers to account if having received no treatment.
My health seems unimportant to them in any case for the guidance suggests, shockingly, that gynaecological services and breast screening are to be withdrawn. (EHRC draft code 13.152 and 13.153.)
Is Starmer even remotely aware that a tiny proportion of trans people (about 3 per cent) have a female body?
Most politicians evidently do not care. Andy Burnham is the latest example, having gone from saying "trans women are women" to supporting the EHRC code when he saw his chances of becoming the next premier falling away.
Votes are all they care about.
So they are now using political motivation to meddle in medical matters of which they know nothing.
This is not only outrageous, it's plain DANGEROUS.
How on earth do we get this appalling government to understand the difference between the rare post op transsexuals (around 8500 in the UK) and the 500,000 transgender people they are basing all their policy around.
Spaces are one thing. Stopping breast screenings for post op transsexuals is state abuse.
Many of us have natural breasts from hormone treatment.
But once again ZERO thought of those who have had sex reassignment surgery where hormones are necessary not optional.
The level of hate is now so palpable, we transsexuals are continually frightened.
Every single day we step out our front door we fear being in the wrong place at the wrong time if outed.
It is plain as anything this will turn into tragedy. Bigotry goes in one direction only.
And the government of the UK will have caused it.
I went for my last breast screening only two months ago (as has been the case for post op transsexuals for decades). It was done in a mobile unit. There were several women inside waiting to be seen.
Seeing me step in none of them recoiled in horror nor ran out screaming in panic. Indeed one lady even smiled at me. This is the real world, in total contrast to the negative picture promoted so zealously by GCs.
Every day this mess gets worse, even US transsexuals are now warning everyone there not to go to the UK as we are now the worst place in the world for care. We used to be one of the best.
This is why as transsexuals we need to get these facts out there to more people. But hardly anyone wants to listen.
The Supreme Court ruling one year ago which has caused all this mess is extremely questionable, for we were prohibited to speak in our defence nor appeal. WHY? And why is it so few people seem willing to draw attention to the Court's shortcomings? And why is there still no clarification with regard to our updated birth certificates (5000 in all)? Plus why is there NEVER any differentiation in the press between post operative transsexuals who have successfully integrated following years of abysmal suffering and the bodily intact self ID transgender males with little or zero diagnosis of gender dysphoria?
Moving like ghosts through the shadows with no place we can call home.
Gender critical activists are well aware we can go stealth and some are determined to out us all at every opportunity.
They know that the Equality Act under which the EHRC guidance stands and the GRA which protects us are now in direct contradiction following the Supreme Court ruling.
It's likely I will soon be challenged over using the women's toilets at my local Pentecostal church as the Pastor and his wife are aware of my secret and understandably concerned about the EHRC guidance which could get them into trouble if they did not act.
They have offered me a gender neutral toilet which is being installed as I write. Since I have a female body and do not wish to be outed to the rest of the congregation, have done nothing wrong to anybody and have received no letter from the government advising that my birth certificate is no longer valid I have politely declined, stating my preference to continue using the ladies as I've done for decades without a single problem.
Should I find myself facing litigation from whoever it may concern due to this damnable state of affairs (which is likely to result in my exposure by the mass media) I can choose to fight or walk away.
At the end of the day I have no desire to be where I am not welcome.
However I take comfort knowing that there are still many good people out there who have our backs.
Such as all those courageous women who have come out in support of trans people.
I like to think that the group of women who kindly invited me to dance with them last Saturday night would have been just as accepting of me even if they had sussed I was not born female.